Baby blessing

Evan Thomas, this is your Birth Story!

(This is Evan's birth story. It is VERY long and detailed...but it describes one of the most perfect days of my life. It needs to be long! After 9 months of waiting, it certainly deserves 4 pages :)

So here I sit, reflecting on what the twists and turns of fate have brought me over the last week. It is absolutely unbelieveable that in one short week so much can change!! This time last week I was returning after my visit with Dr. G. He had just stripped my membranes and even offered me an induction which I declined. He said that I was already 2 cm dilated and the cervix was soft, but that it was still high and Evan hadn’t yet engaged. He said it “could” be very soon, or I could very well go past my due date. He DID strip the membranes though, and mentioned to me that it will either work or it won’t! Great?! He didn't even ask if I wanted them stripped, but during the internal exam I could tell what he was doing! I was happy to have it done because I know that it can sometimes help, but it was pretty painful. In some cases it does work quickly so I held onto a glimmer of hope. I was REALLY hoping that it would work quickly because in the ultrasound exam he mentioned to me that he would be leaving on a 10 day trip on Friday! I was disappointed because I really like him and was hoping that he would deliver me. It was a Wednesay and he was leaving in only 1 1/2 days!!! I didn’t think it would be possible that I would deliver before then. After the internal exam he proceeded with an ultrasound to check on Evan's size and position. He said that he thought Evan would be approximately 3,400 grams but that the ultrasound wasn’t a “scale". This weight was a big surprise to me because about 2 weeks before he had also estimated him at the SAME weight! I was just thrilled with this news because I was really fearing that he would be over 4 kg (like Krista and Erik) and that I’d have a lot of difficulty getting him out. Thankfully he had over-estimated the weight a few weeks before. This seemed a lot more reasonable to me because in early December Dr. S had taken measurements and estimated him to be 2,500 grams. It made a lot more sense that 5 weeks later he would be 1 kg more. I left the exam feeling hopeful, sore and happy that he was not as huge as the earlier ultrasound revealed!

I called Toomas and told him that Krista’s gym practice had been cancelled and if he could try and pick her up a bit earlier since they were there waiting for him. I gave him a quick run-down of the exam and he was happy to hear the news. I had not been terribly hopeful that the doctor would say I was hours from delivering, but I was feeling a bit of despair that it felt so far off and that Dr. G was leaving in only a day and a half. It begain to snow during the exam and it was very beautiful outside. When I returned to the car I put in my favorite music cd that I made for the delivery. I reserved listening to it for the car rides to my ob exams and also for the delivery. I drove home feeling very happy and excited, but a bit impatient. When I started to approach the commercial center’s exit something was calling me to stop in and take a look at the sales (and walk a bit to get things moving). Toomas’ Mom was with Erik and Kaitlyn, and the exam had ended early so I thought I’d just pop into to look for a camera and to see what was on sale for Evan! It was really nice to walk and be out by myself. I had a strange feeling that this would be my LAST shopping trip by myself. I went into Conforama and found a great deal on a camera that will be for Krista’s birthday. I wanted to have a backup for the birth since Krista accidently dropped my Lumix camera just days before. After the camera purchase I went into Aubert to look at the sales. It was great to see all of the baby clothes and to be buying BLUE! It felt so complete. I can’t explain, but I just knew that everything was now ready for his birth--all the details were in order. I was looking at one sale rack and I suddenly felt a gush.. It turns out that I started to bleed a bit after the procedure. When I got home I realized that it was a lot of blood so when I got home I knew I needed a nap to rest up for the big event! After the nap I was still bleeding and actually lost my mucous plug. I saw it too, which I have never had with the other kids. It really was classic textbook... and just like it is described as being--just a big mucousy plug! I was SOMEWHAT hopeful that the membrane strip had caused some changes, but I just wondered if it was just the physical injury that was causing all of this---or whether it was the start of the labor!?! Only time would tell.

That night after we got everyone to bed (which was a challenge since they had been scared by a story that Krista heard at gym), I told Toomas that I thought I’d NEVER have the baby. I was feeling so desperate. I hadn't had any contractions from the membrane strip and I so badly wanted to just deliver him because everything was FINALLY ready! The kids were healthy, we were healthy and that is a lot to say during cold and flu season!

The very next day Toomas had decided to start his work vacation regardless of my labor status. With him on his offical paternity vacation I just felt like things HAD to start soon!!! It was really frustrating to be waiting. I was also afraid that the kids would get sick and things would be spoiled for the delivery time. I also wasn’t sleeping very well anymore and didn’t want my fatigue to bulid and build. I knew I needed my strength! THANKFULLY though, even though I was unaware, things weren’t far off! I went to bed, and during the night I did have a few contractions, but for the most part I slept well…even better than usual! I remember waking a few times in the night and imagining a point of light which was the contraction. It would open brighter and brighter . I was half asleep but remember feeling/dreaming that. At 8 a.m. I woke up and then heard Toomas car pulling back in from dropping the kids off at school. I was so happy to have slept!! And to have had an “okay” nights sleep for once. It SO felt good. I was pretty disappointed that nothing had happened during the night though. I remember thinking to myself that Toomas was on his vacation for nothing!!! I figured that the time span for the membrane strip to have worked was over…so I gave up that it would work and just waited.

I decided I would try to sleep a bit more ---it was probably 8:20 and Toomas Mom was up with Kaitlyn so I knew I should rest, even if I couldn't sleep. Toomas then came in the bedroom to lie down with me. He had tossed and turned a bit all night and was exhausted too...So I just layed there and waited. Suddenly I realized I was having contractions!!!! It was so strange. One second they weren't there at ALL and then the next second...BAM in full force! I roused Toomas and told him I had just had a few minutes good contractions! It was really strange, even after only having had a few I felt like they were REAL. I suddenly got excited and decided I better get up and take a shower. When I was in the shower I realized that this WAS it! I ran into the bedroom and told Toomas that I STRONGLY suspected it would be today and that he better get up and get dressed. Little did I know HOW soon it would be!!!! The contractions were coming a lot faster and stronger now..probably 5 minutes apart and they were very PAINFUL. I remembered these contractions now from the previous labors and just KNEW that it was it. I started rushing around, throwing together the last minute items. I told Toomas that we should call the school and have the kids stay for lunch. I decided to call myself. I told the school assistant, Fatia, that I thought my labor was starting and that we should enroll the kids for lunch and after-school care. I had timed calling her in between contractions and it was just so strange talking to her and knowing that this was it. This was the start of it all… It was finally HAPPENING. I was trying to enjoy the moments albeit painful ones.

After the call we were all set with childcare for the day, what a relief! Toomas Mom would spend the day with Kaitlyn and I knew thad I’d deliver before 6 pm when we needed to get the kids. How exciting everything felt!!!! In the meantime Toomas and his Mom were getting Kaitlyn fed and dressed. Things were moving! I brought down my bag with the added extras on my list. Everything was in order. I arranged my cameras by the door to the garage and Toomas took everything down. I grabbed a few croissants and a bit of water. I took a few Perriers with me too since I knew it would be the last water I’d have for awhile. We said goodbye to Toomas' Mom and off we went. It was a big rush! I kept telling Toomas we were definately in a HURRY but he was so relaxed!! I just knew it was happening fast, much faster than my previous births.

On the drive it was foggy and misty…but I had such an inner warmth and excitement! I remember when we were entering the highway I told Toomas that I felt like I was REALLY far along already. I told him that I was probably at the phase where I was when I was in the jacuzzi during Kaitlyn’s delivery. I was REALLY far and I knew it.

When we hit the highway we saw that there was a lot of traffic. Suddenly I became afraid that perhaps we’d be stuck in traffic for awhile! THANKFULLY things were moving though and I began to relax and soak in the idea that I was finally in labor. It was exactly 9:15 when we pulled out of the garage at our house. Thats the peak rushhour too but we made it to the clinic fairly quickly. I remember contemplating whether we should call the clinic or not to ask if there were single rooms available and whether the natural labor and delivery room (with the big tub) was empty. Toomas said we should just go there and find out in person. I agreed that it would be better so I said a quick prayer and held my breath. This clinic was DEFINITELY my very first choice and if the conditions were right it would be like hitting the jackpot if I got everything (single room, natural labor room etc)!

So we arrived at the clinic and parked in an emergency spot. It was an emergency afterall!! Of course I had Toomas take a photo of me entering the hospital. I was having VERY bad contractions by now and I could barely walk normally or breathe through them. It was SO PAINFUL!!!!! We headed up to the delivery room door and rang the bell. I was so anxious to find out whether “my” room was free. I KNEW for sure by now that I was in deep labor so I wasn’t at all afraid that they’d turn me away. I just KNEW this was it. Thankfully we were greeted by a young, but very friendly mid-wife. She was SO nice. I just felt comfortable immediately. I told her that this was my 4th child and that I was I was in labor and that things were moving FAST! Thankfully the exam room was empty and we were assessed immediately. I told her about the membrane strip the day before and that I’d had STRONG contractions already for 45 minutes. She checked me internally and said that I was already 4 cm dlated! WOW was all I could think. Just the day before I was only at 2 and now already 4 in 45 minutes!! She said the cervix was very ready, but that Evan had not yet descended which was very normal for this being my 4th child. She said the next step was to do a 30 minute NST monitoring session where we would look at my contractions, along with how well Evan's heartbeat was supporting them. I gave her all of my paperwork for review--the whole pregnancy folder with all of my results and exams. I also gave her my birth plan. I was REALLY happy that the clinic had given me a birthplan sheet to fill out. It asked what elements I wanted out of the birth and how I wanted it to happen. It had questions about what I was afraid of, and what I wanted for my ideal delivery. She took the sheet and that allowed me to concentrate on the contractions and on moving forward. We briefly discussed my “wish list” and that I wanted a natural delivery. She hooked me up to the NST monitoring machine and I was having some VERY painful and strong contractions. Toomas got a few pictures and reports and then we sat there and discussed how this WAS indeed happening. I remember thinking that it was FINALLY time. THIS was it! THIS was how it was unfolding. I also remember being mad that the contractions and pain were getting in the way of my fun! I had to just bear them. It would pass. I tried to relax and I wasn’t afraid because I knew how it would be.

During the monitoring session someone came in the room and needed to be examined immediately. Suddenly I was worried that they would find her more dilated than I was and that I WOULDN’T get my natural delivery room afterall! Thankfully they sent her home after finding that she wasn’t at all dlated. I was so relieved to be the only patient.

After the monitoring was over the mid-wife took us into the natural birthing room! AHHHH it was beautiful! It was EXACTLY what I wanted. I got the BIG room this time too. Last time with Kaitlyn I had a smaller natural delivery room. This one had the king size bed, the bouncy ball, and my HUGE Jacuzzi tub. She immediately started filling it because I told her that I thought it wouldn’t be long. I started to get organized while I still could function. We had our bags, our cameras and the music to set up---a LOT to do. We tried 2 cd players and neither worked with my homemade music cd. Thankfully we had ours in the car so Toomas ran down to get it. While he was away the one player started to work so I had my music! Alleijuah!!! I was thrilled to be with my soothing music. So there I was in the labor room all by myself. I knew I needed to attend to the details and FAST. How to set up the room was the question…I set up the 2 tripods and got the cameras ready. This was SO essential to me. I really wanted to capture every split second of this amazing event. I got my bags out and got out all of the essentials: my gown, water mist spray, my towel, the tennis balls etc. The midwife also brought in a robe for me to wear. I knew I needed to get in the tub QUICKLY so once Toomas got back and we got organized. I started to get undressed and I climbed up into the tub . The water felt SOOOO hot at first. I thought I needed to cool it, but Tooams said that I’d get used to it and suggested not to try and cool it down. He was right. The direct and intense heat ended up being my saving grace during the labor pain. My contractions were SO painful outside of the water, but in the water it felt bearable. The hot water just cradled me and comforted me. It really eased the pain of the contractions and I could literally feel myself dilating. I tried to listen to the music to relax. Just hearing my songs playing was amazing. It was the path to meething Evan!! I remember thinking that this is IT. This is the moment!!!! I was trying to savor it all, but of course the pain kept getting in the way :). Toomas was being wonderful about taking a zillion pictures and videos. I really wanted to capture and immortalize this. I just sat in the water, comforted by the heat, but a bit daunted by the reality of what was ahead of me. I knew there was a huge path ahead and a LOT of pain. I had to get through it because I knew that enduring the pain would bring me my baby!!! I just tried to enjoy every second of the heat. At one point I was holding onto the wall of the tub and leaning to the side. It really eased the pain at that odd angle. My stomach was entirely contorted too. Evan had gone completely to one side and I looked really lopsided.

The mid-wife popped in and reminded me to breathe. I knew she was right. I was holding back on the breathing to relax. Thankfully though I had the water to relax me. I must add that the birth plan was SO essential because on it I had written that I’d like as little intervention from the mid-wife as possible. That I mainly wanted to endure the labor pain alone with Toomas and in the tub. She was great and let us “do our thing” together. It was awesome to be alone in the room with Toomas, just waiting for what was to come! At one point I told Toomas that I was really starting to feel pressure and I knew that I might well be fully dilated. This was my hope at least. I also knew that the cold air would be brutal and that the comfort of the tub would be gone if I got out. I wanted to make sure that I used the tub until I was fully dilated. We rang for the mid-wife and told her that I’d like to see how I was progressing. She said that she had one patient to admit and then she would check me. I actually stalled a bit on getting out because I knew that I didn’t want to be out of the water for too long. I stayed in until the last possible minute and then Toomas helped me out. That was REALLY hard getting out and dried. It was a terribly painful shock. Poor Toomas was trying to be so gentle and pat-dry me with the towel, but I just HURT so badly. It was just killing me to stand and walk. I got my robe on and then the mid-wife came in. I managed to get into a lying position on the king sized bed and we waited until the contraction passed for her to check my status. To my surprise (and it sounded like to her’s also)…I was FULLY dilated. This was perhaps only 1 hour past when we arrived. She said…"Wow, there’s no more cervix!” But of course she added that the water bag was still intact and that Evan was still high up. Unfortunately I didn’t know how to proceed. A part of me wanted to rupture the bag as we had done with Kaitlyn’s birth. This will speed up the delivery but it also makes the contractions much more painful because the water bag acts a bit as cushion. I thought she would propose breaking the water, but she said she thought we should wait and let things happen naturally.

We then discussed what position I wanted to deliver in. Just out of lack of interest in trying something new I said I’d stick to the tried and true----lying on the side with one leg up on a pillow. I really didn’t feel like standing or kneeling and I liked knowing what was ahead of me since this is how I delivered Kaitlyn (and Erik). I rolled over to my left side and then got ready for what would be the next phase…the pushing. THANKFULLY I suddenly felt a gush of water and voila the water had broken naturally! Things were moving FASTER than I could have hoped for. I felt like I was in the thick of it now though and there was no way out! A lot was ahead of me but I knew I could do it. I had to dig deep to find the strength, but I knew that this was the moment I had been preparing for for so long. When I first rolled to my left side it hurt WORSE than being in the tub or standing. It took a few minutes of adjustment to the new position and then I felt better. But to be honest... I briefly thought I was going to die!

I asked Toomas to get out the tennis balls but this time they didn’t do their magic. I was already so far ahead of where I was in the last labor. The mid-wife at that point just asked me if I wanted to start pushing. She said now that I was fully dilated I might find some relief in pushing. SO I pushed…it wasn’t even during a contraction but it eased the pain greatly! I kept pushing even though there wasn’t a contraction and it helped a lot. Finally I hit a contraction and pushed though it…She checked me right after and saw that he had now descended. Then she scurried off in a panic to get the IV. It is an obligation to put in an IV and monitor the baby during this crucial phase. It is of course in the case that an emergency c-section would be needed They also wanted to make sure that Evan was supporting the contractions well with the NST machine. She also brought in another mid-wife and they got things set up quickly. They were literally RUNNING around which comforted me to see because I knew it couldn’t be much longer. She put in the IV and told me I was free to push now.

I was in a HUGE amout of pain, but I knew that I was close. I remember the other mid-wife telling me to push my arm on the wall for support. She took my leg and was holding it upwards. I glanced up at Toomas who was doing an INCREDIBLE job of filming and taking pictures (to my delight!). I so badly wanted this. He gave me a "thumbs up" wave and the look on his face showed so much support and encouragment that I just knew I could do this. He knew how close were were too. He gave me a lot of strength in that moment!! We briefly (and crazily, I admit) discussed camera placement for the big moment and I told him that it wouldn’t be long and we needed to get filming NOW…. So I officialy had entered the pushing phase. I closed my eyes, listened to my music and imagined what this pain would bring. I knew at the end of this suffering I would be handed the most precious gift in this world…a new life. I KNEW I could endure. This pain was bringing me my long awaited boy. He was coming!! He was there!! When she had checked me she said she could feel his head and he turned his head under her fingers, just hearing that he was waiting was so exciting. I could feel him turning inside my stomach. Soon he would be out!!! So I pushed and pushed. I knew that “ring of fire” feeling all too well and I was actually comforted by it. It meant I was close. SO very close. I also knew that the contractions would NOT stop until he was out, so I made it my mission to push as effectively and well as I possibly could. It would be painful, but the longer I waited to get the job done, the longer I’d be in pain. So I pushed and pushed with all of my might. I remember I started to cry…just to ease the pain a bit. It helped to cry. Later I was told that I pushed through exactly through TWO contractions and he was out. Of course it felt like longer than that, but I knew it had been fast. I also knew that I shouldn’t have pushed SO hard because I might tear…I didn’t care though, in the moment I just wanted to do my job!! SO I pushed and pushed and the next thing I heard the mid-wife say is “stop now’ we need to ease out the shoulders!!! “The shoulders!", I thought!!!!!!!!!!!! I did it!! I was there…just one final push and he would be in my arms!!!!!!
In the very next moment everything changed. My world changed. My heart knew a new happiness that I had never imagined would be possible. From one moment to the next, life had a different meaning to me. I met someone that had not been there before. My baby!!!! I looked at him with tears in my eyes….I was crying with such overwhelming joy! It was miraculous meeting him. He was very blue and had really been though a FAST pushing stage, so I cuddled him and then turned him to clear his airway and let out his cry. I kept asking him if he was okay. I didn’t want him to be afraid or in pain. I wanted to comfort him in this big world--all cold and new. Toomas took a lot of pictures of us and later in seeing them, I could see the emotion and pure joy on my face. Indeed, even after having 3 kids that moment is unbeatable. There is NOTHING absolutely NOTHING in the world like holding your very own precious newborn for the first time. No matter how many times you’ve done it before it is equally as awe inspiring . It is love, pure emotion and overwhelming happiness all bundled into one new litte face!! NOTHING in this world beats that moment. I had my baby boy!!! I looked at him and was instantly in love. He was who I NEEDED and he was EXACTLY who I wanted to come. I was SO in love that words cannot describe. That moment was pure perfection! He was pure perfection! Life in its most miraculous state. To be able to live that moment has enriched me beyond words…My heart has been completed. This is what life is all about. THAT moment IS life. Nothing can ever compare. Those feelings cannot be replicated..they will stay within my heart and mind and spirt…until the end of my days.

The rest of the day was perfection as well. Well, besides the stitches of course. I was engulfed in emotion meeting my son and then looked up and Dr. G was there. He congratulated me and I explained to him how perfectly things went. He had missed the birth because it went so fast. This is EXACTLY what happened last time too (all 4 times actually!). I thanked him for stripping my membranes yesterday and commented on how he was SO correct in saying that things would go PERFECTLY for me. He had told me yesterday that everything was going to be perfect and he was so right.

Next the mid-wife asked Toomas if he wanted to cut the umbilical cord….so she clamped it and he got to be the one who officially eased Evan into the world. WE DID IT!!! Our baby boy was here! What sweet joy. I still had to deliver the placenta, which this time didn’t feel painful at all. After a few moments I got up and we went into an adjoining room where I would be stitched up and that where Evan would be measured and weighed. Toomas now had the privelege of holding and cuddling his new son. Instantly Evan stopped crying in Tooams arms. I went into the other room and Dr. G went to work on stitching me up. Unfortunately I had pushed so efficiently and quickly that I tore quite a bit. I needed 8 or 9 stitches, but I was told that they were just superficial and that I hadn’t torn any muscle which was good news. The stitching went quickly and I was able to converse with Dr. G about how perfectly everything went.

After I was stitched up, Toomas and Evan came in the room. We were left alone for the next 2 hours and it was wonderful reflecting about the morning. I was immediately able to nurse him and he took the breast only after a few tries. Once he got the hang of it he was VERY content to nurse to his heart’s delight. It was great to be able to ease him into the world with such a pleasurable sensation. I kept feeling bad for him that he had been thrust into this bright and cold world, but he was hopefully comforted by our open arms.

So in summary, Evan arrived at 11:30 am on January 15th, 2009. Only about 1:30 minutes in the labor room and less than 3 hours from the very first contraction at home. It had all gone so fast!!!! We took a lot of photos and videos in the recovery room and were both just in awe of our new son. Our perfect little boy. We commented on he really looked like HIMSELF. Of course he resembled his siblings a bit, but he was really his own person. His hair was a lot lighter and his nose was shaped differently than Erik’s. He just has the sweetest face. Just the sweetest baby!
I made the mistake of getting up before the 2 hour period and before they had cleaned me. It was hard to stay seated for so long and I was anxious to walk around!!! I wanted to get up and enjoy my new life with my baby. I felt very solid on my feet and very strong. I wasn’t shaky at all, but the only inconvenience was the bleeding so I was forced to sit back down. Eventually the mid-wife came back in and cleaned me with warm water and put on a pad and those gorgeous disposable underpants. I was now “allowed” to get up. THANKFULLY I was informed that the single room was ready. It was on the other wing of the hospital from where I had stayed with Kaitlyn so they rolled me in a chair. She escorted us into my room and it was WONDERFUL! So big and exactly what I had wanted. Evan’s bassinet was in there so I put him inside and then Toomas and I were served lunch. It was really a victorious moment for me. We feasted together on a wonderful meal and reveled in our victorious day. It was perfect. We relaxed there together in our room, enjoying our meal and our son. Believe it or not we even had ample time to spare before Toomas had to go get the kids from school at 4:00!!! It was everything I wanted it to be and more. I thank God for his goodness!!!!!!! We are truly very very blessed!